Kicking donkeys @ the Wildest Party (NSFW)

Played Diablo with Linda (?). Had lots of equipment, couldn't use half but rest was good. Gloves had no armour but thin leather gloves had fire protection.

Walked around the neighbourhood on a dark autumn/winter evening, fixing small, cute and cuddly donkeys that were malfunctioning. Had to kick them hard three times to make them light up green - like a satire of teaching animals, I thought in the dream.
   Went down by the sea with a girl who had problems with her dog, I kicked it hard several times until it would work again.

Came into some sort of store room with loads of pole dancers of varying attractiveness. I was going to select some for something. After having seen them all I liked the first ones the best, they were brunettes with enormous boobs and cute faces, but as I asked to see the first ones again I noticed another tall one, taller than me, who drew my interest because she stood out. I pushed her up against the wall and she gasped. I suspected she was trans. The other girls started spanking me with something that looked like the long plastic tubes you can spin in the air to create a whistle. I liked it.
   I heard the "A Wild, Wild Party" (from the Wild Party play) song being played, in Swedish, and I left the girls to follow the music and started singing along. A huge crowd was singing it and I made my way through some big, wooden halls towards the song. I was glad, because I remembered having introduced that song on my laptop for the party host (who was someone that I half know like Nils Burman or Johan Larsson). I entered the party, which was in another nice wooden chamber, filled with people, and we all finished the song with lots of harmonies. It was amazing. I had prepared a song myself, which had been delegated to me before the party. I wanted to tell someone that I had had a nightmare about coming to the party without having prepared the song, but now I knew it well. At least I had a piece of paper with me. It wasn't my turn yet, but the next singer was a close friend of the host, who started singing the classical Bamse opening theme. It then faded off and turned into a ballad version of the song. I thought it sounded like Purple Rain, because so much of it was just talk, and it turned out that it was Purple Rain, but with Bamse lyrics. Some people wanted to do a toast for me and Linda and I didn't want to ruin the party mood by telling them that we had separated, so I let them and raised my glass. They said something about how we'd be together forever. Then Siri (or someone who I thought was Siri in a teddy bear suit) stood up and said something like "Excuse me, hello, but didn't you know that Hjalmar and Linda already broke up?". I went to sit in a corner, far away from the rest, not to draw too much attention from the party.
   A beautiful and quite tall, blonde girl in a purple tulle dress came over and sat on my lap. She was obviously making an approach. I put my arms on her legs and she leaned back towards me. Then she started complaining that her underwear and leggings were uncomfortable. I didn't realise what she meant, but she stood up and pulled them down. Then she pulled up her dress and showed me everything. It was neatly shaved. She was going to sit down again, but when she didn't get a proper reaction from me, she took my hand and made me feel her, and even pushed my fingers inside of her, talking about how wet she was. I pulled down my own trousers, so that she'd have something to sit on, but then she told me that we should go to another room. I got up, quite clumsily, trying to quickly pull up my trousers, but had such a huge hard on that it was hard not to reveal it. We had sat a bit away from the crowd, but standing up most of them could probably have seen us if they weren't so focused on the singers. I remember thinking how I hoped that no one in the room saw it. Especially Linda. We made our way to the next room, but some random guy, probably the next singer, came running in with a water gun. He shouted "GUN!", which startled her so much that she threw her drink up in the air, getting all soaked from it. I wanted to ask her if she was American, having such a strong association with that word. I think she spoke Swedish though and vaguely reminded me of someone. The guy left and she started removing my trousers, which made me a bit uncomfortable as it wouldn't be as easy to scramble up and hide if someone came in. She started taking my socks off and I helped her. I was about to explode and remember thinking that I wouldn't last long if we started.

Choir Practice At Grandma's

My grandmother on my father's side was holding a choir practice, together with dad, and the rest of his siblings. They, as well as I, were all in their twenties, and we were going to rehearse the song "när jag var en ung soldat". Grandma Ingrid, or "Ing" as she lovingly was called, was behind the piano and the rest of us sat down to sing. Me and dad were in the back. Ingrid gave everyone the same starting key except for me, as if I was supposed to be the only one with a harmony. Being the only professional singer in the room, this didn't surprise me. As we started singing, I was struggling a little bit with finding the tune, as it was new to me. I tried a classical approach to the sound, but my dad kept giving me sideway glances.

When the music stopped and grandma started going over some things with the front rows, my dad told me to stop messing around. I first thought that he didn't like my classical take on the sound, but it seemed as if he just didn't want me to sing yet, as if it was time for the others to sing first. I told him that I had already gotten a key to start with, so I figured I might start to try and make my way through the song, as I was sitting in the back. Even the text was new for me, so it seemed good to try and sing along at my best. In the meantime in the front, grandma seemed to start to be a little annoyed with us, chattering in the back, as well as over the slow progress the rest were making. I felt that dad was stealing my focus, so I decided to move up to the front. Dad followed, however.

Sitting down near the front rows, where three of dad's siblings were sitting (it was quite a big room with only dad, me, grandma, grandpa, and dad's three siblings in, so no real reason for me and dad to be so far away), grandma wanted to start over from the top. As she lay the start chord, however, dad interrupted.
"Mom, mom!"
"Yes?"
She was clenching her teeth, clearly annoyed by now.
"You should be grateful towards me" dad continued, standing next to me, "because Hjalmar almost sang 'klätterman' instead of 'flottarman'".
She looked at me at this point.
"We will have none of that" she told me, "you will sing the right words or you will get out".
"Of course" I said, quite unperturbed by neither my dad's telling on me, nor grandma telling me off. "Still, this song is completely new to me, and we are rehearsing, after all. Some words do get wrong from time to time, but that's what rehearsal is for - to make it perfect".

I remembered the many times me or my colleagues have lost the words on stage, occasionally stumbling or unintentionally replacing them with something else, even after having performed the piece a hundred times. Grandma wasn't convinced, however, and almost lost her words. There was a quite tense atmosphere in the room, as grandma apparently was quite stern and all her children was eager to please. It was quite clear that no one responded to her this way. She looked at dad, telling him that I was his child and that he should teach me discipline. He gestured towards me, acting frustrated and powerless as if nothing helped. I think he even might have been stomping the ground.

Grandma turned back towards me.
"I should give you a beating for that" she said quite menacingly.
"Yes, do that and I'll floor you straight back" I replied with a little smile.
The room fell silent.
"Oh, come on grandma" I continued. "Let's stop this nonsense. We could be doing this all night or we could rehearse our song". 

The Royal Wedding

I was touristing about in Stockholm and had decided to take a closer look at the Royal Castle. The streets were quite full outside, so I parked my bike on a side street. As I got back, the road outside the castle had been completely cleared and a procession was making its way out of the castle gates. I saw one of the squires (or hofmarschalls, marshals or marshmallows; whatever they are) giving me a sharp glance as I was suddenly the only person in the middle of the street. I quickly moved to the side.

As the procession came out in full I could see the King and the Crown Princess on a splendid white wagon. Apparently she was getting married. The King held a microphone and soon started singing. It sounded something like a mix between a folk song and a hockey rhyme, where the crowd was supposed to repeat what he sang. After he finished the first line and the crowd started repeating it, he forced a big smile. He continued singing as the procession made its way up the road, and I decided to follow on my bike, which I apparently still was on, though I considered getting the other bike, which I had parked, because that one was somehow better. I decided that I didn't have the time to get the other one and started making my way after the whole spectacle.

They were a little bit too fast, however, and soon had made a lot of headway.

Flying to Denmark

Linda and I had brought a ring to Anders, which he was supposed to have for a party. 

He sent us a message indented on a strange black box, saying that he didn't need it, though both me and Linda thought it said the opposite at first

Anders then told me that he had gotten a new gift at Löplabbet, which apparently was selling high grade chinaware. 

I was walking with Gustav Söllscher and two others, one of them was probably Carl-Johan Kihl and I thought that they wanted to go to Löplabbet as well, but they wanted to go to a second hand shop for music and instruments. It had a name, but I don't recall. Something like "tunes" or "thrift". Very hip.

It was snowy outside. 

We went into a candy shop, where most things seemed to have been sold out, the others bought stuff and I didn't know what to get. I wanted to get something, so that the others wouldn't think less of me. Then I realised that I couldn't possibly have finished my orange soda already and I started looking for it, going into a shop that I had visited before, but without finding it. Then I realised it was in my left hand and started making excuses in front of the others, being so distant minded.

We went down an escalator into the ground, headed for a place for gamers. 

Landgren took an elevator, while the other two headed down some stairs 

The elevator doors closed just in front of me and Landgren didn't open them for me, being absorbed in his phone. The others didn't wait for me, either. 

As the elevator came back I didn't manage to get into it. It was an openly hanging elevator, without a shaft, and there was another one next to it. Because I couldn't get into the elevator, I grabbed on to it from the outside, following it as it was going up. I could see the word XCOM being written above the door arcs, where the two elevators would let people into the gaming bar. So there I was, hanging from the outside of the elevator, trying to force open the doors. I realised that I couldn't and that I soon had to let go. I closed my eyes and let go, all the time thinking Alt-F4, trying to hack reality so that I would wake up somewhere else. 

It worked and I was running outside Hubertusgården at dusk. I ran past old friends from back then, not looking to closely but thinking that one of them must have been Louise Hansson, hearing her voice and seeing her blonde hair, and then I took flight. 

I thought back on old tries of trying to fly, thinking how I never got really high. I realised that I must have made the mistake of putting too much effort into it, fighting against the wind, when in fact I needed to just soar, letting the wind carry me. I felt like a pigeon, soaring higher and higher over Spårsnögatan, telling Johannes Loor and Ludwig Wase, who were sitting at a café, that it was all about just going along with the wind. 

Lund became smaller and smaller, far below, and I started to drift out over Öresund, headed towards Copenhagen, when I suddenly got really tired. 

I saw a blue whale below the water. 

Orcas and grey whales were suddenly jumping below me as I kept getting closer to Copenhagen, but also losing height rapidly, as I found the strength to make it all the way being sapped from my body. I started to give up and felt myself settle unto my back.

I must have landed on the water, because before I knew it I was rescued by Günther on a jetski. He sang his song, the one about tra-la-la and ding-ding-dong, as we reached the shore and he started to undress me. Apparently he had mistaken me for a girl, because when taking off my small clothes, he didn't expect to find a penis. I found it hilarious. He wondered why I was just floating around in the sea.

We were in a bar, where suddenly some people started singing Nu Grönskar Det. I sang along and as we hit the second verse suddenly a man's choir, which had been sitting by one of the tables joined in loudly as well. We all started walking around the room, crossing over chairs and couches, singing about "vandringsfärd", and this was apparently how you were supposed to do it. I made my own harmonies and as everyone stopped before the last line, I put some extra effort into it singing "så drick min vän..." and everybody joined in and we finished it nicely.

Two blonde Danish sisters, looking like a combination between Zandra Green and the Brandt sisters, had been watching the whole thing and I ended up next to one of them. She wanted to join in with the swedishness and started to read a Swedish translation of Calvin and Hobbes for me. I leaned in closer and she put down the paper and we started kissing. Everyone else was falling asleep. She lay on her back and I lay myself on her. She liked how I weighed her down and pushed myself at her, commenting very verbally on this. 

Likely based on:

- Carl-Johan Kihl had posted about snorkeling with whale sharks the day before, which I had commented on 

- Found a choir to try out the day before 

- Had seen a t-shirt of Calvin and Hobbes on Facebook 

The Matrimony and Other Obscenities

I was getting married to a girl. She was a brunette and no one I recognise from real life. I remember reacting to the fact that I had barely met her and that her waist wasn't as thin as those of my previous girlfriends. But I loved her and didn't care. So, there we were, man and wife, talking to my mom when I suddenly start kissing her in the middle of the conversation. Realising this, I apologised to mom. I remember thinking that I was glad that I at least didn't start fondling her breasts there, in front of everyone.

A little later we were trying to sort out the costs for the marriage, together with our parents. I remember owing hers some money.

Skip.

I was guiding some people through the town of Lund, showing them my dad's old studio. I got tired and decided to go to bed. My room was opposite that of my step brother's, who was now living in the studio. I saw him in the room, but it takes me a while to realise what he's doing. Turns out he has folded himself over, sucking his own cock. Disturbed, I ran to my bed, pretending to be asleep before he can see me. After he has finished and goes to shut his windows, he sees me lying in bed. He smiles at me innocently, but I have my eyes half closed, pretending to sleep.

Erection, pee and the unannounced breakup

Me, Linda and her new guy went to the same class in Bjärnum.

Since I had a huge erection, I was uncontrollably peeing all over the bathroom, including on Siri's makeup kit, which she stored in a basket inside the toilet, I held the door closed, so that she wouldn't come in and see the mess. She did make it in after a while though, as I tried rinsing the basket with water. It resulted in a lot of makeup being rinsed away as well. She told me that several items were missing from the basket. It was mostly green and pink eye shadow in there, which was dotted out in separate small canisters. It looked like oil colours, dotted out to be used. As this was happening, Måns came in and started talking about how skeptical he was about something regarding me and Linda. Perhaps it was my being heterosexual. The eye shadows mixed into a brown sludge, which was filtering through the bottom of the basket. I told Måns, Siri and Johanna Toth about our breakup, though they had mostly figured it out already and I had already told a few others in the class, because they had been worried and asked.

After all that mess, Linda and her new man came back. I was lying down lounging in a chair, feeling miserable. She came over to me, put her hand on my forehead, and in a very triumphant manner started addressing the whole room; "Now that we're gathered, me and Hjalmar have an announcement to make..." and waited for me to fill in and announce the breakup. I turned to her. "They know everything already", I said. "Last time I talked about it was just before you came in".

This clearly upset her. "Why didn't you say so before?!", she said. "Me and xxx could have been dating publicly all this time!". Clearly, she thought I had been very selfish and thought that the last month had been completely wasted because they hadn't been able to go all out with their new relationship. "I didn't realise you were in such a hurry", I said, and quite salty added "or weren't you planning to continue dating anyway?". She grew quiet at this, and then stormed out with her new man behind her.

The Gran Canaria Snake

I was on a bus on Gran Canaria with Gabrielle and Charlotte from Chaplins Pantos. We were talking about relationships, and Gabrielle said that her boyfriend wanted to take it to the next level and that she suspected he might propose. I asked her what she would say, which gave me the reply that she was wasn't interested in the like ("no, no, no, no") and wasn't ready for that yet. She asked about me and I talked a little about my break up, which she was only mildly interested in hearing about. It was hot and the interior of the bus consisted of metal and pillows. We started talking about Charlotte losing her voice on her tour and how tough it had been.

We got off and started walking past a roundabout and into a rainforest. It was our final day, so we had to get back to the hotel and get our bags. I remember thinking that the whole island looked the same and that I had no idea where I was.

I was walking with BamZe and dad down a trail. Dad spotted a seemingly dead snake on the side. It was very thin and very long and it looked like its head had been cut off. He commented on this and was pretty confident that it was dead. I found the head, lying on the ground a bit away from the body, but I figured the rest of the snake could also continue underground, connecting the body and the head. I tried pouring some drops of water on the head of the snake and it stirred. Its body started moving through the ground and coming out where the head was. I noticed that it looked like a python, albeit a small one and probably harmless to humans. I yelled "python" (in English) to dad, who was trailing behind. He replied "python?"(in Swedish) and I shouted "yes! It looks like it" back at him. We didn't want to be in its way, even if it would be harmless, so we started to leave. However, it followed us and as this made me uncomfortable I grabbed it by its neck and rolled out its body to hold the neck and the tail. We were coming down to a beach, me and BamZe, and I asked him to quickly grab our bags and get them ready to leave as the snake was slithering and trying to escape. I thought I might throw it in some bushes once we had gotten our stuff out of the way. BamZe ran to start picking up our things as I noticed that the snake actually had a red colour to it and just might be a poisonous one. it slithered wildly and I almost lost my grip on its head. It was also much shorter now and I could see its tiny fangs. I was considering if I just could kill it and started pressing my fingers together around its neck. Its body started looking like translucent entrails.

A Predator Prepares and a load of other non-consistent things

I don't know for what, but the Predator was getting ready to do something. There was something warm and friendly about him and the only people he seemed to want to kill were really, really annoying ones. He had gathered up a storage of Snickers and Kitkats, from which a daring man tried to grab one. The Predator roared and he grew pale, but still made of with it, like a little rat.

The Predator was working on something that looked like an antenna. To his help he had two small little droids, apparently earth made. One of them spoke English and a smaller one communicated through beeps, which the Predator in turn emulated, so that they could speak, even though the droid wasn't designed to be able to do so. The small one was no larger than a jam jar. Actually, it was resting by connecting to a power socket in the wall, and once the predator needed its help, it disconnected and mounted a jam jar on its back. It seemed to have a sort of milky content.

The annoying guys that the Predator was killing off had started in an earlier dream, where they had been playing loud music outside my mother's house at the latest hours of the night, refusing to go away. They were four young men, one which had a ginger beard. They reminded me of the Neighbours I had at 69 Johnson street, who did the same thing, so that's most likely where they originated from. As we tried to drive them away and they refused, I got so angry, which probably made me turn into the Predator. I remember killing off one of them in a battle where I let him swing something heavy at me and then shoot me in the face, only to have it regenerated in front of his eyes. After that, I ran my spear through him in front of his friends.

Yes, I know that Predators don't regenerate that quickly, so that must have been inspired from some other beast.

Before all this I was running for my life, together with someone else. We swam through a dark sea and made it up on some cliffs, dodging orange search lights around a chain link fence. My companion got spotted and so did I. I quickly scaled the fence and ran off towards a seemingly abandoned residential district. I went in there, together with Julia, and we decided to hide in the basement. Down there was a crazy woman that I first thought was dangerous, but Julia, with her psychoanalytical skills, could see that she only wanted to help us. So we hid with her in the basement. She was scared, too, but tried to talk friendly with us in no language at all. This probably turned into my mother's basement and a scenario where a lot of people were planning a sleepover at her place, which in turn spawned the annoying guys outside.

Even before, I was driving along my childhood neighbourhood in the snow, in my mother's old Mitsubishi. I first parked near Måns' street, but realised that I could drive the car all the way to my mother's garage.

Luke's apprentice

Luke had turned to the dark side. During a great ceremony for the new Republic, he turned his back as a coup was staged to overthrow its leadership. He escaped together with R2D2 and decided to take an apprentice. I had been cast for the role and was rehearsing with him.

Luke was turning out more and more like his father and put me through several tests, which I passed. He acted in a fatherly way, but was brutal all the same, holding his lightsaber against my throat, shaping it with the force, making me look left and right.  In the end he told me to cut off his arm. I hesitated only briefly and then did it in a swift strike. He laughed and we cut the rehearsal.

He was played by Christian Slater who patted me on the back and said that "that was five stars out of five". George Lucas came in and asked if I knew what the role was for. I told him that I didn't and Christian let me know that this was for a spinoff from the main series. Carrie Fischer came in as well, bringing with her the contract and asked if I had representation, talking about a big agency that I can't remember the name of... Cameron? Hamilton? Hamlin?

I tried to decide what to say. 

The Hermit Spider and Defending Jesper

There was a huge spider crawling on the floor
On its back was a strange loop. It looked like its hind legs were molded together and had lost their joints. It crawled across the room and I tried to take a photo of it with my camera.
It found some sort of shell, like a hermit crab, but it looked more like some sort of pastry
Fredrik Bergenfeldt stepped on it, by accident, and as I was trying to take a photo it looked a little like the pastry bled out jam, which made me worried. I decided we should let it out and was trying to get everyone out of the way.
I couldn't find it.
Fredrik Bergenfeldt was standing on it again.
I got so angry that i shoved him out of the way.

I was at a high school. Some students were picking on Jesper and his friends by pushing them into a table. I called out to them. They wondered if I wanted a piece of them. I moved up to the most cocky young lad and got ready for a fight. A teacher appeared and talked about how the student was trained in Wing Tsun and that one of the most important things in the art was to never be far away from a punch, instead of using clumsy stances. The student, however, was intimidated and left. Jesper was grateful. Me and Martin were going down an escalator made of brick stones. the final step just absorbed all the other steps as they came down.

The Sugardolls job

Met up for what was supposed to be the Sugardolls job
Very militaristic
A man was the leader, let's call him the Major
Put our things on chairs around a table
Got briefed
Got changed into white overalls
Brushed my teeth with a bottle brush
Someone pointed out that it was a bad idea and that I would get sick
Felt warm, was glad it wasn't a toilet brush
Went to an old lady to take my temperature
53ºC
She thought I was doing a trick and laughed
More people came to take their temperature as well
The major wondered if everyone was sick and weak
Told him I was just very warm
He understood
One guy hadn't shaved his ginger beard, I noticed
We were in some sort of old town in Helsingborg
Martin was there as well
My assignment was to adjust a projection on a wall at some stairs
It was very old, the place, and the projection was a historical one with people walking up the same stairs in the old days and with a speaker voice talking about how it was done
The rest of the team went ahead of us
At the top of the stairs there was a hill with snow, which everyone but me and Martin crossed with ease. Instead, we slipped and laughed, trying to make our way over
The speaker from the projection talked about how people would slide down the hill and play in the snow in the old days, explaining it with a certain name, which I don't remember but it meant that you went on your bottom.
After getting up the hill I finally saw the rest of the troupe and decided to try to catch up
First by sliding on my knees, but soon switched over to my bottom. It went really fast and as the track turned, I had a hard time turning properly
The track went into a cave and as it turned left I fell over the left side of the track and down into some sort of secret room
Two set of keys in a door leading out, took one in my hand and the other in my pocket
Opened the door and it led out to the place we had been before during the briefing with the Major
Looked around more and got into a kitchen
Outside the kitchen windows was a doll with blood running down her torn face wearing blue overalls
I knew it was dad, playing a stupid trick
Dark and windy outside
I banged on the window with the doll outside and dad kept moving it around, trying to be scary
I thought it was fun
Found nothing more in the kitchen, left
Was met with the Major who was furious that I had entered the secret place, which apparently was only for officers
Gave him back one of the two keys and he started looking for the other one
Started thinking of how to hide the other key so that I could go back in there again - perhaps dropping it behind my back into a pair of shoes, but what if I missed and he heard it?

Warcraft

I was playing Warcraft with Martin. It was on a winter landscape map and we were slowly harvesting wood and gold at our base on the east side, when suddenly the AI attacked from the west, with a huge force of mixed units. We had a small defense, which managed to hold them off for a little while, as we built barracks and all kinds of training grounds behind the fight. Slowly, we were able to reinforce our ranks and send the AI on it's way. As it fled, I noticed that its forces were indeed a strange mix. It had produced a variety of clowns, jesters, tanks balloons and all kinds of strange units.

Pushing west for the victory, we pursued them until we suddenly reached a big bank of water. There, they took to the skies and their transport ships. As I only had two gargoyles that could fly over, I left them patrolling the river while I'd expand to a gold mine on the south west river bank.

It didn't take long, however, until my patrolling gargoyles were attacked. As one died immediately and the other one seemed to flee from its patrol pattern, I never saw by what.

The Wedding Crashing Ship Heist

It was as if it happened two times. The first one we succeeded, the other one, not so much.

Me, Martin and Carl were crashing a wedding. We had been hired to do so, presumably by the groom, who didn't want to go through with the whole thing. At first, we had taken on a low profile, but as the crowd moved to the newlywed's summer house on the beach and the party started and the liqueur started flowing, it was time for Carl's part of the ploy. He mingled, starting to distracting the crowd by breaking out into song, encouraging everyone to sing along. He gave me a discreet nod as everyone seemed engaged, and me and Martin went through a back room and into an adjoining shed.

There, we started looking for a small ship model. Apparently, this was an early and very important memory for the couple, which was meant to be brought out later on during the party.

Now, the first time in the dream, this seemed to work, we found the ship and got out safely.

However, as the dream restarted, me and Martin were joined by Henrik Schyffert and Robert Gustafsson, who made an absolute mess of things. They were stumbling about the backroom, turning over sofas and made a whole lot of noise. Martin started practising acrobatics at a nearby playground, and as Robert and Henrik made their way into the shed, looking for the ship, they started to set fire to everything along the way, as if this was part of the assignment. We didn't find the ship, however, and as the fires grew we were forced to evacuate and leave the scene without the price.

The Lice

For the last couple of weeks, my scalp has becoming itchy. I was worried for a while that it might be lice, but upon close inspection, it wasn't. However, in the dream, I decided to look again. It turned out, that all the hair I had left was that on the front of my head. However, it had been covering the rest of my head backwards so nicely, that I hadn't notice the rest of my hair falling off. Now, as I parted it and saw my scalp, I noticed how there were parasites, crawling all over it. Practically all of my hair at the top of my head had been scratched off from the itchiness, and I could see stubble where my hair would grow back, while other areas were completely blank, as if it would never grow back again.

Summers Past

 It was the feeling of things coming to an end.

Every summer in my adult life, I used to go to Arild. It is a picturesque village where I usually spent my time in the attic of my grandparents abandoned old house. Listening to music, going down to the sea to have a bath and just enjoy the time being on my own. Since I had been together with Linda for the last three summers, it had been only natural that we spent them there together. This summer, after the break up, would turn out to be quite different. I had packed my things and made my way over there, getting ready to spend the summer there on my own, once again.

The garden, the flowers and the air had the melancholic feeling of autumn around it.

But when I arrived at the house and made my way up to the attic, it turned out that Linda was already there. This surprised me, as this was my place and not hers. I found her things lying around and among them was a police report about her. The report read that she was under suspicion of some sort, that she was unhealthily skinny and had been found wandering around and sleeping in inappropriate, public places. There seemed to be a general worry about her health. I looked up from the report and saw her sitting further up in the attic. Naturally, I wanted to go over and ask her how she was, but as I did, I noticed someone by the door. I knew, without a doubt, who it was. Her new man. He had probably had a swim in the sea and was now opening the lock.

I was struck by sadness and discomfort and as he opened the door to come in to the room I quickly grabbed my things and got out through a side door, before I was even able to properly see him. He might have seen my back as I left, though.

Just outside, almost hidden in the bushes, I had a desktop computer, standing against a wired fence. The branches of the bushes had grown around the steel wires, the computer and the screen, making it barely visible unless you stood right next to it. I decided to put some music on and just be on my own for a little while. However, before I was able to, a song started booming out of the attic. Linda's new guy had put on Butterfly by Jason Mraz, a song I clearly associate with myself as I often had sung it while out on tour.

It felt so symbolic. I had been replaced. Utterly and completely. She had taken over the places that were mine and started sharing them with him instead. Even the songs that were mine or ours now belonged to someone else. I started to feel really sad and abandoned, and wanted to go back in there without knowing really what to do or say. But I was brusquely torn from my feelings of regret as children started stumbling into the garden. They were clearly nursery or kindergarteners, climbing on the stone steps, playing around the bushes and the metal fences.

I went down the stone steps, past several boys and girls with their mouths full of berries, burdock seeds and random plants and flowers they had found in the garden. As it turned out, the rest of the house below had been rebuilt into a kindergarten and nursery and somehow the children had managed to get through the gate leading up into the wildly overgrown garden. I came out of the garden and down to the nursery, where I saw some teachers, chatting idly. As I told them about the children, they grew pale and quickly started running over to the gate and the garden.

There was a skip in time, and after all the children had been brought back safely and collected by their parents, I heard the teachers saying that it was lucky that no one had eaten anything poisonous. However, some children had fallen on the stone steps or bumped into the fences, so there were some broken teeth they were bound to hear about later. They talked about how over excited the children had been from "escaping" the nursery and that apparently some immigrant children had been the ones taking the lead.

I left them standing there and started making my way back up towards the attic. As I did, a car was starting to leave the nursery parking lot. In it I saw Linda's new boyfriend, surprisingly enough sitting with his ex-girlfriend in his lap. He had chosen to leave Linda in favour of his ex, and she was probably still up in the attic, alone. At first it gave me something of a sad relief. I suppose because I no longer had to feel bad myself for being so easily discarded. Pretty soon, however, I started to worry. Especially considering how the police report from before painted an unsettling picture of how Linda seemed to have lapsed somewhat in both her mental and physical health. 

The garden, the flowers and the air had the melancholic feeling of autumn around it.

I found Linda up in the attic, just sitting around. I just stood there, quiet for a while. Then, even though I knew the answer, I asked her if her boyfriend was still there. She looked at me then, very sadly, and answered:

"He's not coming back, darling".

The Orca Ship

I was on vacation with the family. Me, Julia and Siri were snorkeling around a reef. The sky was grey and the water was typically Swedish, with brownish algae and not much to look ut. After a while we climbed up on a reef and found a sort of lagoon with a big orca whale in it (I have recently watched Free Willzyx on South Park). It just seemed to hang around there, not more than a meter under water. Someone was commenting on how acid the water had become and another person replied that the only positive thing was that the water had become clearer.

We paced back and forth, looking at the orca. None of us dared enter the water, as we didn't know if the whale would be friendly or not. Then, suddenly, it surfaced. It opened its enormous jaws, roaring, revealing lines of big, flat, furry teeth. Kind of like a horse's teeth, but they seemed soft, like pillows, and folded over each other as its jaws closed. They were so big that only three or four fit on each jaw. It looked incredibly silly. There was loud techno music coming from it and as we saw the orca from the side, there turned out to be glass windows on it, revealing a DJ standing there, mixing and playing. Someone commented that they had taken an actual orca and through various operations had turned it into a tourist attraction for teenagers gone wild, Aiya Napa style.

The orca took off then, swimming at super high speed and away from where we stood. It was hard to figure out if it was swimming on its own or if there was some sort of boat engine on it as well. If so, was it the DJ that steered it? Then we saw that the orca actually had a several meters high deck on top of it, with proper railings and everything, all made in wood. Like one of those touristy pirate ships. It kept on accelerating and then...

KRAK. The whole ship burst under the strain of the super speed engine. It broke straight in two. Julia was the first to react as she had been on a life saving course a couple of days before. She jumped onto a jet ski and went out to try and save anyone on board. Most of them were making their way back Swimming, though. It was mom, dad and the DJ. I grabbed a couple of life jackets as she came back for another round, and gave those and a life buoy to her. I then went out myself in a rowing boat. Two guys were out there around the boat. One of them was talking about his sugar dependencies and I came up to his bag and noticed a fine assortment of Mars, Bounty, Snickers and KitKat bars. The other one commented on her life saving skills and we overheard them saying that she had glass legs. I looked at all the chocolate bars and decided to take two for myself, changed my mind and put them back, took them again, put them back, thought it wouldn't be noticed in the chaos but it would be wrong to steal and I didn't need more sugar and I took them, considered taking a bounty instead of a Snickers then put both back again and didn't take anything. I decided to help Julia bring the jetski back instead. She asked if I thought that she had glass legs, meaning that her veins were very visible, and I said that I've never thought about that, which I hadn't, and I didn't think she did.

So I jumped in the water next to the jetski, which was kind of scary considering that it was quite deep. But nothing came up and I climbed up on it. It was now a long gray floating pillow with a boat engine on, and I gassed up and went back to our ship.

Low Moon

The moon was so low on the horizon that it looked like a hundred times its normal size. I tried my best to capture it on a photo and had to get near a mountain ridge to make it look as big as possible. Looking over the ridge though, I noticed that the moon seemed to be impossibly lodged in between that one and another mountain range just beyond. It was so close to Earth that instead of reflecting the sun's rays, it started to reflect the earth's surface. This looked so cool that I had to ask my youngest sister, Julia, to pose in front of the moon, which was now showing off a landscape of sea, greenery and mountains as Earth was reflected on its surface, for a couple of more photos. When Julia stood in front of the moon, however, suddenly her whole face could be seen in the moon as well. It was big and distorted and we started playing with the weird reflections and took more photos. Man, I really wish I had those photos. 

The Diablo LAN and the Fight in the Forest

I was installing Diablo on four computer's at my moms, so that Julia, Måns, someone else possibly Simon and I could play together. It was such hard work and I somehow have the feeling that I was forced to do it and felt really sad. We had to work around with ISO's and I asked Julia to put one on a memory stick for my for the final computer. Once we were all finished and just were about to start the game, mom called us for a big family dinner. I sat down with us players and started to discuss what we could play, just to avoid killing each other. I didn't trust anyone to play a Sorcerer or Rogue, as they could kill the rest of us if they weren't skilled enough, but someone else wanted to play one and I felt I had to abide. I woke up before I got to play.

I was out in the forest and was fighting a couple of friends. We were split up into two teams and tried to hold different buildings. I was fighting as Lunara and had an unlimited number of poisoned spears. I knew the enemy had automatic guns, but that I could resist at least a couple of shots. One of my opponents hid in a closet, so I started impaling it with spears and think one broke through to damage him. Three others were sitting in a staircase, looking out through the windows, but I came from them from behind and started flinging my spears at them. It was very satisfying.

Punch zones and Baldur's Gate

I was learning how to hit someone on the different zones throughout the body. They all had different colours and there was something that I could break in every zone.

I played something very similar to Baldur's gate, together with Henrik Larsson. This was after a court scene with someone who was a combination between Ludwig Wase and Shaun Oxenham, where he was a defendant and clearly owned the room and the case. Thus, me and Henrik had to use our characters to try and find out some dirt from the defendant. We snuck into a back room, but after no more than five seconds, Henrik stumbled and broke a vase, causing enemies to burst in behind us. I tried to escape further into the room, but that only had me stumble upon a group of orcs and shadow stalkers. I poisoned my blade and drank several buffing potions in the style of the Witcher. Julia watched. I kept pausing the game and summoned my dog. Then we owned them.

The Dolphin at Lerbäck

I was at Lerbäckskolan and had been asked to carry some equipment up a flight of stairs and to a class room. The things were an overhead projector, a cable and something else. Might have been a music player. I got to the classroom, where Sven-Åke Wallin already had a class. He was happy to see me, but already had most of the equipment, so I had to bring it all back again. It was fun to see the old class rooms and the young students, but nothing was the same as when I went to school there. On my way back I accidentally took the wrong stair, which turned out to have really steep steps. Me and Ida Stavenow laughed about how easily done this is, and she showed me her child that she had brought along.

We took a big and somehow silly elevator out of the school and I was on my way home, thinking how I was going to play Heroes of the Storm when I got there. I thought about that I'd rather play at school, as my Internet connection at home was so bad. Just getting out of the school, I stumbled upon a shelf that was set out among the other garbage. It wasn't completely put together, spikes sticking out that were supposed to go into holes, which annoyed me, so I started trying to put it together again. I was at it for a while, but it didn't work out. It was snowing and kind of wet.

It was then that I noticed the pool, next to me. There was a handful of curious people gathered around it. In it was a big orca. It swam around, jumping, but after a while started to act really erratic, which made me nervous. I thought it might just need some contact, so I started talking to it. Suddenly, it was a dolphin instead. And it was seemingly made of cloth. I asked if it wanted to be stroked, and it nodded. I stroke it's head. Then I asked if it wanted a kiss. It nodded again and rose up from the water to kiss me. It missed my mouth on the first try, but succeeded on the second go. I reached down to pet its belly. It was very furry. Then the dolphin asked me and the other people that now that I had done some tricks with it, who was going to play David? I guessed that David was someone who usually practiced aerial tricks with it and that it just wanted to go over its routine. On of the other guys shouted "me, me", raising his hand.

The Parasaurolophus and the Daemon

It started with a strange feeling that something wasn't as it should be. I was walking through the unkempt grass of a small glade near Nöbbelöv, where I grew up as a child. The pink and purple colours of the sky whispered of a pleasant summer evening. The setting would have been nice and familiar, but something was not as it should be. I had the eerie feeling of something watching me. But not something human. It was something that wasn't supposed to be there.
  My phone rang, but at the same time I could hear someone calling out from a bit down the road. I looked at the phone; it was Siri, my younger sister. I should take it. Up ahead I saw Henrik Larsson, my old classmate, as he came running. He had an urgent look on his face and it looked like he was trying to warn me.
  I picked up the phone, but at the same time I felt the presence growing stronger. There was something in the glade with me, not far from where I was standing.
"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Siri"
Even as I took the call, I looked around. Looking for the presence. Then I saw it. It was peeking at me through the bushes with shining, yellow eyes. Just a couple of yards away. It looked like a small dinosaur of sorts, sort of like the herbivore called Parasaurolophus. But it was different...
  What is a dinosaur doing here?
"Our world has been breached...!" shouted Henrik as he came running, still about 100 yards away. My eyes, however, were locked with those of the little beast. I panicked. The presence of the creature was so intense.
"Look, I'm really happy that I got through to you"
"Siri, there's a really strange thing here! It's in the bushes, looking straight at me!"
Not sure of where to go, I slowly started backing up towards where Henrik was shouting at me. I turned around and started running, but could hear the creature stirring in the bushes behind me. Feel how it got closer. I was ready for the worst, but suddenly I was standing face to face with Henrik, who had caught up with me. Now he too saw the creature.
"I just wanted to talk real quick"
"Siri, it's like a dinosaur! It's got big yellow eyes and bark-like skin!"
It was true. I looked back at the strange thing, which had slowly started to move out of the bushes. The little dinosaur had a strange pattern to its skin. It looked like the rough bark of an old oak, but shimmering with green colours. There also seemed to be a sort of golden glow around it.
"It's on our side!", called Henrik as he came up to me. He bent over and started catching his breath. Then he pointed at it. "Look, it wants us to follow!"
"Siri, don't worry, it's a good creature"
"Hjalmar, I just wanted to see if you could come by later. I'm in Kobjer"
The creature, having gotten Henrik's attention, started running off in the other direction. Henrik started after it. I felt compelled to follow and started running as well.
"I don't know if I'll be able to make it! Look, I have to follow this thing!"
"Well, it's just that I'm leaving at 28 minutes to ten and-"
The creature had led us out into a parking lot. A light drizzle had started falling from the sky. The little dinosaur looked around, as if perplexed. It felt like we were supposed to look for something, so I bent down and started searching under the cars. A jogger ran by in front of me. From my kneeling position I noticed how she was wearing ski boots.
  Odd.
Henrik looked on the other side off the parking lot when suddenly the dinosaur stirred. It looked straight at the jogger, having ran past us, and gave off a startling scream.
"It's the jogger!", shouted Henrik, who apparently he had entered into some sort of communication with our little dinosaur friend. "It says he's been running like that for over 24 hours!"
With some newly found courage, and Siri still on the phone, I ran up alongside with the jogger. To my surprise, it turned out to be a man. His skin was dark and as he turned his head towards me he seemed to stare straight through me with bloodshot eyes. I flinched and dropped the phone, and he continued to run past me. It felt more like a shell, than an actual human being. Somehow, instinctively, I knew what it was now.
"Get out of him!", I shouted.
Something stirred in the air next to me and I instinctively reached out and grabbed hold of some invisible strand, seeming to follow in the jogger's wake, much like the invisible tentacles of a jellyfish. He jolted to a halt as the body wanted to run one way, but something inside of him was caught in my grip. I felt an overwhelming force tugging in the other direction as the daemon started to resist. I could feel the air being sucked out of my lungs. It was way to powerful.
"Let him go, Daemon!"
"Hang on!!", shouted Henrik then as he started channeling a bright purple beam towards the man in the ski boots. This seemed to anger the daemon inside of him and I almost fell over, my own energy quickly being drained. My hands started to grow numb and I could feel my grip slipping. Then, a bright flash blinded my eyes.
  It was the little dinosaur. The golden glow that had surrounded it exploded into a magnificent aura and I could feel how it started to rejuvenate my muscles. My power was returning. The daemon was roaring and gave another sharp tug which nearly threw me off my feet. I mustered all my power and kept my grip and my balance, while the man, now starting to separate from the thing that had possessed him, tried to force himself away from us. Henrik was using all his power to channel his beam towards the weakening demon. All the while the little dinosaur did everything it could to invigorate us both.
  It was a real battle.

The Magical Barometer

I was trapped in a strange, magical world, that could have been a ski resort if it weren't for the orcs, unicorns and other magical creatures living there. Some of the good creatures were on my side, but the evil ones had control. I knew that in order to escape, I had to create a magical barometer, which required a powerful spell from one of the tomes in the library. However, this specific spell book was placed alone on the highest shelf, which stretched like a plank through the top of the ceiling, and whenever someone came close to touching it, the red guardian would awake and beat them down forcefully.

This guardian was an orc, not much unlike Rehgar in his heavy armour, with stark red markings on him. Unlike the blue guardian, who looked exactly like him but with blue markings, he had a sense of trouble and was very quick to act. He often mocked the blue guardian for being so slow and called him something like the "slow guardian", which in turn made the Blue Guardian very angry.

So, in order to create the magical barometer and to escape from the fantasy world, I needed 1) a barometer and 2) to bring down the tome quickly without the Red Guardian being able to react.

I thought about how to go about it all and decided that the quickest way would be through a flooding spell, which would summon a gargantuan wave of water. This wave would carry on into the library, carrying with it some of my animal friends. Among them would be an egret who, as the waves subsided, would carefully pick up the washed down barometer from the floor and hand it over to me, replacing it with something else in the process. This egret was fierce, black and looked very much like an evil creature, but it turned out to be on my side. To get the tome down, one of the smaller animals would ride the wave into the library and as its peaks reached the highest shelf, the little fellow would reach out and exchange the tome for another book in the library.

The plan carried out flawlessly, and as I entered the library after the mayhem, the Red Guardian had not yet noticed the replaced book and barometer. Probably because the chaos all around. I quickly grabbed the book and barometer and started reading the spell. The barometer and the air around it got a golden glow as small magical glyphs materialised and started taking their place upon the device. This, however, caused enough of a stir for the Red Guardian to take notice. He came storming into the room, saw me and started dashing for me with his weapon raised high. But he was too late. As I finished the final incantations the floor around him turned into molten rock and he was drawn down into a surge of lava.

The Blue Guardian came in, late as always, but I was already on my way out on a small cart, together with my friend Martin. In order to get the magical barometer to tune into my own world, I had to attach it to a flowering arrowroot plant, which in turn was sat in a vase. I had to wind up the barometer and then try and direct the plant in the proper way, like an antenna. When it was in the right direction I could hear music playing, and it grew stronger as I found the right frequencies. We continued through the town on our cart, trying to work out the device. Sometimes the music grew stronger, and sometimes it faded. The plant was getting torn from all the fidgeting and nothing more would happen.

It didn't want to work and the whole dream turned into a ski vacation with Martin and a couple of other friends, possibly Julia and her friend Andrea. Martin didn't want to go down the same slope as they did. Or the whole thing started with that dream. Anyway, the fantasy part would make a good book, I think.

The Heist

We had just pulled off the heist of the century and were on our way to our hideout at my dad's old photo studio. We were heavily armed, so we tried to move carefully, not to attract notice. We decided to cross the street and move in, one by one. Not many people were out, so it felt fairly secure. I start, but just as I'm about to move up to the sidewalk, I notice Thomas, the Dutch guy from Testronic, working as a G4S guard, moving up to me. I try to conceal my big machine gun behind my leg. He moves on without a word.

Once we've gotten into the studio, we start unpacking our things. Suddenly, the courtyard fills with the sound of sirens and police cars are swarming around the front. We hurry up to the second floor and take a zipline out of the window, down to the river where a boat is waiting for us. We get in the boat and speed away and DAMN I've forgotten the rest because I took too long to write this down. Annoying. It was such an awesome dream. Shit went down on the river. Water ski? Crocodiles. GOSH DARN IT.

Jack Nicholson the head crab tentacle and the Kraken

It was like a huge pit trap of an ant lion larva. But from the middle of the pit stretched for tentacles, made out of around eight half-life head crabs each. Except for one of the head crabs, which was shaped like the head of Jack Nicholson. They were all in a sort of frenzy. Especially the Jack Nicholson one, who tried biting the other crabs that it was attached to. Slowly, however, they merged with one another to turn into sickly yellowish octopus tentacles - it was clear that they had been separate from the start, but some sort of virus had caused them to merge.

This attracted the attention of a nearby Kraken, who curiously tried to approach the creature. I was worried that the Kraken would be infected as well and force to merge with the creature, but it kept its distance. Instead, it found some salad and tomatoes, which it started to nibble. I realised that the vegetables and fruits had been laid out as virally infected bait, but hoped it wouldn't affect the massive creature. It didn't - at first. But, after having eaten four big bits of salad, suddenly there was a huge crack and the big beast pulled together like a sea urchin, getting the same sickly yellow colour as the tentacles.

I felt sorry for it and stroked it as it started to transform, but then I had to leave it there. 

Animal Deathmatch

I am finding myself in an attic, where the deathmatch will take place. My opponent is there as well, but I can't remember who she is, more than it's a she. We gather up our allies. She has a sneaky cat, I think it's black and brown. I take one of my childhood toys, some sort of dog or bear, and I magically enhance it to get long fangs and it becomes big and not really menacing. It still feels like a stuffed animal. We talk and then start to fight. I grab the cat by its neck with both hands and I twist its head off.

Visited / The strangest phone

Linda has come to visit me. Everything has a Christmassy feel and she is very well dressed. I'm so happy. It feels so real, even though I know that it's a dream, so we both decide to talk about it when we've woken up, because surely it's a shared moment. We make love. Afterwards, she gets dressed and ready to leave. I notice that she is missing a top, but she explains that it's because I'm wearing it. She's right. It's a net top, with white and black pearls. Very feminine and very exquisite. It looked much better on her than on me.

After she has left, my whole family shows up and we're going to celebrate Christmas. I get a new phone. It has an ever changing interface, depending on its apps, but completely in 3D and hard plastic. I hug my mother and talk to her. We both agree that it's a dream, but I want to draw a heart somewhere on her, for her to see when she wakes up. First I consider drawing on her arm, but it feels like it will get easily rubbed off. So I try drawing it on her chest, but I just mess it up. She is a bit wrinkly. She says it's all right and lets me draw it on a sticker, that she places on her chest instead.

My grandfather has made ten types of eggs for the Christmas table. He seems to have misunderstood everyone's requests for eggs and nobody wants them.

Linda comes back and I show her my new phone. It's got a strange hard plastic interface now, where I can't find the correct letters when writing, but somehow I love its quirkiness.

Siri drank all the juice

We were at home, in a house next to the old football field. It was time to eat and the rest of the family had taken what they wanted. Siri's friends, among them Maria Feldt, are trying to scramble together something to cook. They're looking at pasta. There's nothing left for me to take. I try the juice package, but it's almost empty and I only get a couple of drops. I blame Siri, who is standing next to me, and she defensively claims that she only drank three large glasses of it. I try to tell her off and that she could at least buy some extra juice if she is going to drink that much. I sit down at the table with the rest of my family, with only a little piece of brie and the drops of juice. I want them to see how miserable I am. I want to cry.

Dad says that grandma (who has passed away) suddenly is alive and in the hospital. He lets us know that she is as thin as a stick and hardly conscious, and that we should visit her. For some reason, this thought really makes me sick and I show that clearly. He continues, wounded: "Or you could just pull the plug on her".

Siri drank all the juice

We were at home, in a house next to the old football field. It was time to eat and the rest of the family had taken what they wanted. Siri's friends, among them Maria Feldt, are trying to scramble together something to cook. They're looking at pasta. There's nothing left for me to take. I try the juice package, but it's almost empty and I only get a couple of drops. I blame Siri, who is standing next to me, and she defensively claims that she only drank three large glasses of it. I try to tell her off and that she could at least buy some extra juice if she is going to drink that much. I sit down at the table with the rest of my family, with only a little piece of brie and the drops of juice. I want them to see how miserable I am. I want to cry.

Dad says that grandma (who has passed away) suddenly is alive and in the hospital. He lets us know that she is as thin as a stick and hardly conscious, and that we should visit her. For some reason, this thought really makes me sick and I show that clearly. He continues, wounded: "Or you could just pull the plug on her".

Siri drank all the juice

We were at home, in a house next to the old football field. It was time to eat and the rest of the family had taken what they wanted. Siri's friends, among them Maria Feldt, are trying to scramble together something to cook. They're looking at pasta. There's nothing left for me to take. I try the juice package, but it's almost empty and I only get a couple of drops. I blame Siri, who is standing next to me, and she defensively claims that she only drank three large glasses of it. I try to tell her off and that she could at least buy some extra juice if she is going to drink that much. I sit down at the table with the rest of my family, with only a little piece of brie and the drops of juice. I want them to see how miserable I am. I want to cry.

Dad says that grandma (who has passed away) suddenly is alive and in the hospital. He lets us know that she is as thin as a stick and hardly conscious, and that we should visit her. For some reason, this thought really makes me sick and I show that clearly. He continues, wounded: "Or you could just pull the plug on her".

Flying in Markaryd

I was helping the people in Markaryd do their winter show. The place looked like a combination of a nursery school and Musikteaterskolan i Bjärnum. I flew around a bit, gently stroking through the air and they were all very impressed by my flying ability. They didn't seem to expect me being able to go high up in the air, but I did just that and flew away. I ended up in the office of the mayor, who was also entertained by my flying skills.

The Wedding Anniversary

Mom and dad had a big anniversary celebration with the whole family and a bunch of other guys. I sang Your Song in the Moulin Rouge style. After that, dad would nominate the best performance for the evening and seeing how I was the only performance I was sure he'd pick me. But he picked Jennifer Johansson, who he had just chatted with a bit and thought seemed amazing. She did a short number with two other girls as thanks, singing very softly, almost mumbling. I broke down crying and told my dad about the disappointment. He apologised and could see what bad timing it was to nominate a stranger straight after me pouring my heart out on stage, being really nervous throughout the performance.

Scottish Highlands

I was managing a park in the Scottish Highlands, kind of like a computer game where you see everything from above. Horse carriages kept running back and forth and I was trying to steal a rich old lady's purse, just so that I could give it back to her and hopefully get a reward for "finding" it. I was in the park with Linda and after a while we decided that we wanted to leave. Everyone had to pay a fee at the exit and also let the staff know what attraction we had come to visit in the park.

How to do this was very difficult to understand as all the people in the staff, as well as the guests around, spoke a difficult kind of English. They didn't mind, though, and told us that they enjoyed having foreign visitors and started complaining about the Scottish Defense League and other similar overly nationalist organisations. We finally understood that in order to choose our reason for being there, we had to push a red light/button on a big map of the park, mounted on a screen. The ones to choose from were a golf course, some caves, the  mountain, a forest, an outside theatre and perhaps also the park management game that the dream started with. We chose the forest.

Then, the crew of the outdoors theatre came walking by. One had a dagger in her throat, but we realised this was a prop and she was only bleeding green fake blood. There was, however, something wrong with one of the actors. It might have been the female actor playing Sir Hiss. She had a knife with her, and the dream started following her instead of me. As she and the rest of the cast got to the changing room, suddenly, without warning, she started slowly killing her colleagues, one by one. She stabbed them in the chest, very methodically, and you could hear wheezing from their punctured lungs and gurgling from the blood pouring out. After she had finished off the cast, she would continue through the park, killing every visitor and person of staff along the way. When I finally realised what was happening, I decided to intervene. I climbed a staircase and suddenly I stood face to face with the killer.

The Heist

With the help of God, we were doing a heist. Me, a couple of transformers. Some robot dog and a small combination of R2D2 and Bumblee. God gets in a fight with some woman who seems to have gotten hold of a holy lance. He realises his mistake by letting that lance lie on the ground next to him and just chooses "Undo" and its gone.

The most annoying guy

We're in the eighties. Enter the most annoying guy. Blonde and middle age, with an ugly moustache and clear age issues, trying to be 21 again. Gets a younger guy to get the ugliest mullet and leave his girlfriend only to do the most stupid things, like breaking into my mothers house and sneaking around in there, stealing some white corduroy trousers for his skiing vacation. The blonde and the mullet go skiing and jump off the ski-lift halfway up the slope, shouting and laughing and fooling around. I remember being so annoyed at this guy that I just want the dream to end, even if I'm only spectating.

Killing Spiderman

Mary-Jane has decided to kill Spiderman and lures him to an abandoned factory. An old rusty machine rustles behind him. As he turns towards it she hits him straight in the face with a hammer, but with no effect. She throws him flat on his stomach and he doesn't resist. Mary-Jane then brings out a long drill and drills straight up his backside. After that she takes out a baby electric eel, which unfortunately has lost some of its charge. But she goes through with the plan anyway. She drenches the eel in lubricant and slides it up his anus. Now it will slowly eat at him from the inside and shock him if he resists.

Will Smith

Did some roadwork by the green area that I used to love riding a bike through, back in Lund. Will Smith and family shows up, drinking beer. I have to get to work at the IIIEE. He joins me to find a place to buy more beer. There's a gas station up by the highway crossroads. Then he joins me at work at IIIEE for a couple of hours. I'm thinking how I need to tell Linda about this. I'm looking at my weekly schedule - I'm at school at Katedralskolan. Linda has a different schedule - she finishes later on Thursdays.