The Norwegian Girl

I went to ICA Kvantum in London to do some grocery shopping, where I bumped into a whole group of Norwegian girls. One of them was very forward and started talking to me straight away, as we walked among the isles. She was very pretty - blonde, tall and the physique of a dancer. She told me she had a long day and that she was going pole dancing for four hours later. I assumed she had another job during the day then and danced recreationally in the evening, so I asked what she worked with. This triggered a reaction from all the girls of sarcastic hollering and applause, as they were all dancers and to them I had basically said "that's cute, but surely you have a real job". Realising my mistake, I tried to explain how I had perceived "a long day".
  Apparently they had, just like me, been on the beach during the day. This made me realise that I still just walked around in a long, over-sized t-shirt and hadn't yet put on my underwear. Neither had she, apparently, and when she realised bits of me were naked she became even more forward, trying to touch me in my private places. We were now at the bed department at IKEA and the two of us hid away under a bed sheet. Her friends didn't notice and she became quite enticed by the prospect, but complained, whispering, that we couldn't "do anything" there, not even with our mouths. We said we would meet up later, as she had work and I had an important dinner to attend with the Sheikh of whatever.

So we parted ways and I was shown to an extended table where various delicacies were being served. They looked foreign and very strange, but the chef was there, explaining what they were and how they were to be enjoyed. She was a large, overweight, seemingly Eastern European woman. I had a few nibbles, but couldn't stop thinking about the Norwegian girl, and after a while I snuck out to find her. I walked past a rock club and found my way into her neighbourhood. She was at her house with the other girl, practising complex routines on some sort of climbing frame - swinging upside down and around. We made a point of not yet knowing each other's names. But it didn't matter. All we wanted was to play and enjoy each other. And so we did.

The salt mountains, a.k.a. "sinking through stuff"

We were at some sort of salt hot water spring, streaming down a hillside like a big water slide with thrilling waterfalls. We slid down the stream, surrounded by slopes full of salt, looking like a thick layer of snow. Once we reached the end I started walking forward in the salt and the others followed me. But all of a sudden I started sinking through it, deeper and deeper. It seemed bottomless. Until finally I broke through the roof of some sort of underground cottage. The others came down with me. The inside looked like a big sauna, with an adjacent room with what looked like a sea of small bags of cat food. I noticed that one of them were opened and that some food were spread around it, as if someone had been there recently, eating from it. I started wading through the sea of food bags when all of a sudden I started sinking again, feeling the bags envelope me.

Birthday parties and wild dogs on Gran Canaria

Me and Martin Hammarstedt was at Fredrik Cedervall's birthday party. His mother wondered if we would do the same thing this year - just taking cake and food and leave and play ourselves at one of our places. And so we did. Martin was giving me a ride back on the back of his bike, while I held all the goodies. We had some sort of sweet bread with us, taken from the party. We started talking about whether or not we should feel guilty about leaving the party and then went home to my place. My mom had moved her outdoors shed, and it no longer had any electricity, so we needed to figure out how to plug in her new wifi, as it needed to be outdoors but still have access to a power socket. It was a bit tricky, but once we had fixed it I could play Heroes of the Storm with Budrik.

I went to Gran Canaria with Siri and was hanging out on a rocky beath north of the lighthouse of Maspalomas. Thomas Knudsen sent pictures from his birthday party with loads of cake in them. I was going to send back a photo of the lighthouse and a selfie, when I noticed in my camera that a dog was standing behind me. I took a picture of it and sent it, then turned around to look at it. It was some sort of exotic wild dog, with markings like a cheetah around its eyes. I think I was in danger, but somehow I was able to sneak into the water, and the dog didn't notice me and started sniffing and went the other way up the beach.

I got up out of the water and started running. Martin and Siri joined me and Martin kicked something on the ground and shouted "hand grenade!". I caught it and it was actually a hand grenade, but the pin was still in it. I decided that this could be good to have, but that our parents mustn't find out. We were kids after all. So we were trying to figure out a good place to hide it. The camera panned out and swept over the ocean, landing back in Arild, while my voice over talked about different girls that were older than us that we could probably trust with our secret hand grenade and other cool stuff we'd found. The camera landed on a scene where I was a baby, talking loudly about what I liked and didn't like, strung up in some sort of baby holder, while my mother was taking care of me. I said loudly that "we must all trust each other, because what I dislike the most is deceit". The word "deceit" was in English and I had obviously learnt it somewhere. As I was watching my baby self, I thought that was so funny that I wanted to record it. I noticed that the teeth of my baby self were moving constantly as I was talking, like the needles of a sea urchin. I tried using the teeth to rewind back to when I said the line about deceit, as if they were controlling me. Then mom took a tongs and pulled out my baby self's bottom teeth.

The Pirate Coup and Adult Drawings

Me, Johannes Loor and one more guy were Somalian pirates, with shotguns and assault rifles. We had a little camp with a campfire and some logs around it to sit on. Johannes had mounted a GoPro camera high above in a tree, to take a picture of the camp. We had a horse as well, which was lying on its side beside the campfire. Johannes pointed out how you could see the horse's cock lying along the ground, if you looked carefully at the picture. He was very proud and entertained by how discreetly it had been depicted on his photograph.

Some big Mafia boss had decided to grace us with his visit. As he had basically an army of goons, we could not say no. He rolled up in his limo, while we were just lying and chilling on the ground. Two of his associates liberated us from our shotguns and assault rifles, which felt like standard procedure, but still made us nervous. After a short speech, it was apparent that Mr Mafia boss was going to kill us. He took a small revolver from one of his men and aimed it at mine and Johannes's accomplice. It clicked. And again. Being somewhat slow, me and Johannes now decided to rather go down fighting than per execution, and we both reached for the guns we had in our pockets. In my mind I shot down everybody, but was already half awake.

Before all this, me and Johannes had been asked to give a book to some sort of kindergarten, for their drawing project. We, intentionally or unintentionally, gave a pornographic comic magazine. The child who got it started copying drawings from it, as they were supposed to for their task, and after they were done we could see a nice collage of children's drawings on a wall, with their original books next to them. The child who had been given our book had drawn a big, juicy, very detailed and quite hairy picture of the female genitals. It was very well done and with extraordinary attention to detail, but left us wondering if we had done the right thing and how on earth no one in the staff had noticed and intervened.

The Teen Idol Fail

I was hosting Teen Idol in a winter landscape. I was trying hard to be funny, because I hadn't prepared anything. First numbers went fine, audience liked the show and the children were performing nicely. But then suddenly a girl comes up and kisses me on the mouth and then runs off, with her boyfriend running after her. I get confused, but try to carry on the show. It gets harder, because some of the teens try to pull me to the side and talk with me in the middle of the show. We are performing in the front garden at Spårsnögatan 7. The audience are getting nervous and restless. I'm using an iPhone as a microphone and suddenly some guy called Alexander calls me on that phone, while I'm trying to present the next number. He won't hang up and explains that he is the boyfriend of the girl that kissed me. He asked me, crying, why I let her kiss me. I get really annoyed, hang up and try to continue the show, seeing that a lot of the audience are getting up to leave. Some boy comes up on stage, slaps one of the teen idol girls in the face, then runs away. They're both super redheads and she has a long braid. She seems shocked, but not sad. Alexander calls again. I let him know that firstly it was a tiny kiss, and secondly I'm still shook up after losing my three year long relationship and really appreciate any tiny bit of intimacy I can get. Most of the audience have now gotten up to leave.

A break with Samir

We had a break in the conference and Samir was taking us home. This way we would have three hours off before he would come pick us up again. We were driving in a car through good old Scania and I was trying to navigate, using a super old cell phone. I was trying to find the address of one of the participants in the phone. At first, she seemed to live in Stockholm and I wondered how Samir would possibly be able to get both her to Stockholm and me to Lund within the hour, but then the phone showed that her house was 33 km away. It flickered between that and 14 km, so nothing was very clear.

The situation was sort of stressful when Samir suddenly decided that it was time to switch from car to boat, which he had never driven before. He commented on how blue the sea was, and it was indeed very beautiful. I told him that this was the typical colour of the sea in Sweden and that the colour of the sea was just a reflection of the sky, but he already knew that. He sped up in the boat and had us crashing up on land.

Being the ultimate Terminator

I was the ultimate Terminator. Three meters tall and with the appearance of Arnold, I had the capability to fly, nanomorph and pass through walls. Notably, I was very eager to impress all humans with these capabilities. I had been helping out with a project where the aim was to revive a dead boy who looked a lot like John Connor, supervised by a T-X model, whose motives I was unsure of. The project had failed, and the state of the facility had slowly deteriorated. It was time to pack up and leave. As I no longer had an assignment, I flew around, passed through walls and had a fun time at the beach, trying to impress people.

After a while, I flew back to the facility. Seeing the cocoon that the supposedly dead boy was kept in, I noticed that it was moving slightly. It was suspended up in the air and looked like a sail wrapped with wires. I flew up to it, morphed my arm into a blade and cut it open. The boy was reviving!

I got him down to the ground and let him slowly regain consciousness. The T-X was nearby, so she clearly noticed, but she gave me a look as if she didn't care and kept working with shutting everything down before the abandonment of the place. I got the impression that she either had empathy for the boy, or just had orders that the project was over.

When he finally woke up we decided to get out of there. He seemed to be nervous about bumping into Terminators, so when asked "what if I told you that I am a Terminator?", he just told me not to joke about such things. We passed by the T-X and set off towards freedom.

Proposing to Hermione

It was a special day and we were celebrating something. I was Harry and Hermione's dad was taking us to a very expensive restaurant, where he gave us £3000 to spend on our meal. Then he sent her in to find a table, while in the meantime he took me to the gift shop outside. There he informed me that we were looking for rings for me to propose to her. I supposed that I did want to marry her and helped him look. We only found various porcelain rings, the one bigger than the next and most of them involving doves. I found one ring with two doves sticking out of it, which seemed to be the smallest one around. When showing it to her dad, however, it looked bigger than before and he had to find another one. I don't think I ever saw what it looked like, because I was still looking for alternatives, but most things in there were really gaudy, made with amber or other coloured rocks. He paid and gave me the rings in a box and I went up to the restaurant to a waiting Hermione. We got some champagne and suddenly we were at Spårsnögatan with my family and it wasn't a good place to propose at all, because Hermione was my sister, Siri. And we were all really young. Anyway, after a while Siri turned back to Hermione and was at the restaurant. I was on my way back to her, but couldn't find the rings! They were in a little black box, made of wood, and I was rummaging about my childhood desk to find it. All I found were two mp3 players, both black and the same size as the box. Then I noticed that I had lost my shoes. I found a pair, but they turned out to be my dad's and weren't formal enough. After looking around at home I finally found them, put them on and left. I went back to the restaurant, only she was no longer there, because apparently we had tables at two separate restaurants and kept changing between them. But the rings were there! I had to look around the table three times, all the while worrying about if she had found them herself already, before I found them. I remember thinking how silly it was to let her dad decide this and that she'll probably scold me for letting him decide too much over me, but at this point I really felt that I wanted to marry her. I started making my way to the restaurant, where she would hopefully still be waiting for me. I had butterflies. 

Snail bacon

I came to visit my girlfriend, who was hanging out with a big group of dudes at some sort of camp. They were playing football and two of them were singing a lot during the match. They seemed really nice and it made me want to be their friend. One of the two really looked like the owner of Café Adagio in Addiscombe. The ball bounced off field, straight towards me, and I covered my head in an attempt to look silly. It bounced on me (and I immediately wished I had done a cool header instead) and up in the air, only to come down on me again and then up in a tree. It must have looked really silly and everyone in the field gave me the "who the hell is that and what is he trying to do?"-look. Realising that I had spoiled my chance to look cool, I acted the clown instead and joked about that not only did the ball decide to come straight at me, but it hit me twice and then got stuck in a tree! They laughed at this and I felt socially accepted.

We went to hang out and I was served some snacks. Looking closer at it, it was tiny pieces of bacon. My girlfriend looked a little embarassed, when I didn't know what it was. She explained that because we were vampires, of course we could only eat meat, and this was bacon made out of snail, as a snack.