The Baseball Bat Bullies

As I was walking to my train I was being bullied by two guys, walking behind me calling me names. They wanted to provoke me and get me violent and kept calling me names based on my dad's role in some semi-obscure sci-fi series. Unlike what I told the police later, it wasn't Star Wars and my dad wasn't Harrison Ford. I think he was Asian.

I turned on them and they saw this as their chance. They pulled baseball bats out of their very baggy jeans and one of them came at me swinging. I disarmed him and knocked him down on the floor, now having his bat in my hand and swinging twice to get the other off balance before lunging and hitting him straight in the head, knocking him unconscious and off the train platform down unto the track. It was like I was a blademaster with a bat. A batmaster. The other guy started crawling away. I threatened to break his knee-caps and when he didn't stop I did so.

A policewoman showed up and wasn't very eager to help. She told me they were a small Swedish town and with the police spread far and wide. Plus, she had a date tonight so, since I seemed fine couldn't we just let this one go? She didn't pay any mind to any of the bullies, neither the one unconscious on the train tracks or the one whose knee caps I just broke with a baseball bat. Of course, I couldn't let this one go - what if they came with guns next time? She sighed and tried to bargain for me to talk to one of her police colleagues on the phone; perhaps he could give me some advice. Besides, how would those bullies possibly get away with walking around with baseball bats in public? I pointed out that they had very wide, 90's style hip hop jeans and she agreed hesitantly that it seemed plausible, but why would they attack you?
  "Because I'm the son of a sci-fi series celebrity!"
  "Surely you're not. Who?"
I didn't actually know the series or the role my dad played.
  "You know Han Solo in the Star Wars Saga?"
  "Your dad is Harrison Ford?"
She clearly didn't believe me, but I insisted and she started to be convinced.

Instead of arresting anyone and keen to get away on her date, the police officer now called her colleague as she had offered. They chatted gaily on speaker before I chimed in and claimed to be the actual purpose of this call. I explained the situation and he started to give me some lazy advice, clearly not worried about my future safety.

I showed a WhatsApp video, that some bystander had filmed, of what had happened to Valeria. In it you could see me laughing about and being silly, doing wire work with another actor on a train station.

The police officer had found a lot of left-over food from the restaurants at the station, so we sat down to eat that. The salmon cakes looked lovely.

Me and Siri were walking along a prettily decorated rivulet at someone in my extended family's place. I messed up the stone banks and Anna Sellberg came to tell us to not do that.

The Audition in Norway

I was going to pick up Julia to go to Norway for an audition. She was still in primary school, so I was waiting outside the daycare centre, not sure where she'd exit. Also, there were some foxy ladies, probably babysitters, about to pick some kids up and I delayed a bit on purpose. I was on my phone, secretly listening in on a conversation between one of the daycare ladies talking about where Julia was. She heard me breathing and so I hung up and tuned into another call that they were making, revealing that I was there and that I was coming to pick up Julia. It was grey and rainy, probably in the autumn.

I was sitting down at a table outside of a house, somewhere in Norway, on a lovely summer's day. We were a big crowd of people, mostly dressed in white, and they all felt kind of mafioso. One of them was looking at me strangely and behind me. I was pretty sure he didn't like having me there and was looking to "off" me, somehow. I suddenly showed up behind him with a knife to his throat, citing his living address and letting him know that if I should suddenly die, contingencies were in place for him and his family. He understood and promised to back off.

Kristofer and I took our things and started to leave for the bus that would take me to the audition. I had had WiFi in the house, so my Google maps had given me a bus route and we'd just walk there. Thinking of what I'd sing and what kind of audition this was, I tried to clean off my dirty bare feet and get them in my shoes. I asked Kristofer about the guy whom I had threatened; if he was a big player and dangerous to mess with. Kristofer told me to think of him more as a side player. Not a star scorer. Someone who could be replaced. He noticed I was carrying a small PET bottle and asked if I was bringing that to the audition. We went up a flight of stairs and I said that I'd likely find a rubbish bin on the way there. I was going to take the bus, after all, and we had some way to go to get to the bus stop.

I saw another PET bottle, just lying around, and figured I might as well pick that up as well. However, I clumsily dropped it and it started falling down the stairs, so I quickly reached out with my psychic powers to try and grab it. It twitched a little and then kept going down the stairs. I complained to Kristofer that this was what my telekinesis had come to these days. He muttered something, imitating me and clearly jealous that I had telekinetic powers at all. I tried ruffling a flower, holding my hand near it, and that was about all the power I could muster.

We reached a group of traditionally Swedish red and white houses and it was now winter and big droves of snow everywhere. The sky was darkening quickly. I started putting the rubbish I'd now accumulated - which turned out to be a big styrofoam box of stuff - in the correct recycling bins. It was too much. I had to get to my audition. So I just put the box down halfway through and we set off towards the bus stop. Suddenly, an old native American appeared beside me, quite menacingly. He told me he had seen what I had done and had to finish the recycling for me. I answered quite apologetically, knowing that this was half a man, half a spirit always was watching over me. He explained that even he had not managed to finish the recycling, for I had indeed accumulated so many things, and we came to some sort of apologetic understanding of neither of us being quite enough.

We had to hurry now, to get to the bus in time, so Kristofer passed straight through some of the houses. I looked at my Google Maps on my phone and it looked like we had gone a little too far, but I was thinking that perhaps I could just take the bus from a station further down the street. As we came out on the other side, it was summer again and the sun was shining. We hit the main street and the main bus station - but none of the buses was going where I was going! My cousin shrugged and told me that he had just been going to his own bus, not to mine. I had to scramble up the street to where Google said my bus stop was, thinking desperately about what I was going to sing at the audition and my voice felt like sandpaper, also thinking of how I would pay the bus driver when I didn't have any Norwegian money, when suddenly I was on a bus, about to set me down at the stop from which I was going to take my other bus. As I got off I was wondering how I had paid for that bus and how it came to be that I was suddenly on it. My reasoning was that it was free to travel by bus in Norway, as long as you were going within the same metropolitan area.

I was able to catch my bus, still not sure about what I was going to sing, and suddenly I was dancing together with Knut and Susanna, who both wanted the job as well. They were dressed in gorgeous goth clothes. Knut had a black tulle skirt, just transparent enough to see his high stockings and high, high red heels.

The Scarlet Pimpernel

I was in some sort of camp with Siri and I had to go take a poo. She showed me a toilet, but it didn't have a door for safety's sake. I didn't care as I really had to go and luckily no one came by as I filled the white bowl to my bowels' content. Good times. I then found another toilet, which had a door, so I shat in that one too. They were both slightly dirty.

After that, I went on to have a shower and there was no door to the shower room either. I took it quickly and though it was somehow difficult to control and wanted to spray over my trousers and all the stuff that I had brought me to the camp, I didn't lose my temper. I recall being very impressed and a bit surprised over this fact.

Siri came in as I was finishing up and it was time to go. I was going to shoot a small part in a film with Hugh Jackman. It was my first time in a Hollywood production and I was terribly excited. Mr Jackman himself had dressed up like Freddy Kruger as a sort of inside joke about how he always played roles with metallic claws. I entered the set and there were loads of fans standing around a cordoned-off area. They weren't there for me, but some had seen me in a recent theatre production and cheered when they recognised me. I met Hanna Karlsson among them and she was impressed with how far I had come. She told me that I was going to play the part of the Scarlet Pimpernel. When I reacted with surprise since I didn't even know that myself, she mistook my ignorance for my part for ignorance about the character started to explain who he was.

I realised I hadn't gotten a script yet and tried to steer my dream into actually being a rehearsal, seeing as how it would be terribly embarrassing to show up to an actual shoot not knowing my lines or even my character.